3 year old, 5 year old, Craft, Days Out

The worn out parents guide to Halloween

Oh gawd! Halloween is looming, kids pestering for fabulous costumes, trick or treating, and lots of excitement. It wasn’t like this when I was little – I got dressed in a bin bag, a cardboard hat plonked on my head, and I was lucky if any kids came to the house to get treats. This post has been put together to help you navigate this trauma with ease, and little effort… follow this guide and you’ll have fun, I promise.. mwah ha ha ha ha ha ha!

Your house will not look like the pin below if you follow these instructions… this is for special parents.  The kind that ‘help’ their kids to make detailed, meticulous homework, when the kid is just 4 years old and try to palm it off as their own work.  We know it’s not Jasper’s homework Lynda… we know.

As far as I can tell, there are 4 main aspects to creating the perfect halloween; friends, food, costumes and decorations.  Get all of these sorted and you will have very happy kids.

Friends
This is an easy one.  Pick all the other school Mums you know that like wine, chatting, and aren’t up for organised games and invite them round.  Who cares if the kids know, or even like each other, this is about adult survival.  You are going to need those around you that are strongest to win this race.

Food
This needs to be halloweeny.  The kids love nothing more than a halloween dinner.  We aren’t talking about handcrafted bat cupcakes here, or these “halloween rats baked in blood”:

Noooo, what I’m talking about is much less hard work.  As far as I can see, it isn’t about what food you make, it’s about how you sell it.  That is no longer a margherita pizza, that’s blood and ectoplasm pizza, hotdogs = fingers, spaghetti bolognese = worms, lasagna = brain stew, jacket potato = zombie knees.   So just make whatever you usually make, and SELL IT!  Ribena = blood of a witch.  Get creative! You can do it (drink more wine).

Costumes
If you don’t want to spend the next 3 weeks creating this:


You have 2 options.  Firstly, supermarkets, they sell so many fantastic outfits!  Just buy one!  Or, if you don’t want to spend loads of your hard earned cash on an outfit that will fit them for 1 year, for 1 night, ask on the local buy and sell sites – and sell your old ones while you are at it.

Failing that, stick them in a pair of plain coloured pyjamas and wrap them in loo roll for the perfect Mummy.

Decorations
If you put them up, you’ve got to take them down again.  Think big and few, not small and many.  A poundland table cloth, and few window stickers, get the kids to help stick them.  They honestly don’t need anything that has taken you hours to craft, and they won’t appreciate it anymore than stickers.  Save yourself the effort and open the wine!

Happy trick or treating!

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